My Heart is Heavy

This week has been a week for the books, in all kinds of ways.

If you haven’t heard already, I’m not returning to Baylor this semester. I’ll be back in the fall. This is by my own choosing. I still have a lot of financial responsibilities to Baylor and I would not have been able to meet them if I continued on in the Spring semester. I would have been working way to much to try and support myself and make the grades I need.

Yes, I could have gone to numerous family/friend resources to see if they would bail me out and pay for everything just like I did last semester. But I would be lowering myself to someone I vowed I would never be again. I want to work for the things I do and not knock people around and run over them just to get what I want. Sacrificing one semester at Baylor is something I have to do to stay true to who I want to be. It is a good feeling but still a little bittersweet because I’m not at Baylor this semester.

So what is the game plan?

Well, I’m staying in Austin with my dad and going to Austin Community College and working as much as I possibly can. I have 15 hours of non-music courses that I still have to take AND that will transfer right into Baylor. So I’m not wasting any time. I’ll still be taking lessons and doing my music thing. I just won’t be taking music classes like usual. Talk about culture shock. Now I have to take real classes like history and english. Who does that?

The job hunt is in full swing. Had a decent day today. Will hopefully be getting some interviews in the next few days. If you know of anything in the Austin area I’d REALLY appreciate the help.

This move is going to take a lot of adjustments for me and my family. They have to learn to live with me and I have to learn to live with them again. It’s not the easiest thing ever but it is so worth it. I’m looking forward to building these relationship better and stronger than they every have been.  But it is not easy.

In a way I feel like I failed. There is this expectation that you stay at the same university and graduate in 4 years. I just can’t stay at Baylor. As much as I want to, I can’t. And who actually graduates if 4 years anyway? But I guess I’m just disappointed in myself. But this is the right thing to do. I miss my people though and my school. I belong there, as much as I didn’t want to believe it when God made it perfectly clear Baylor was where I was going. I belong there. I miss my friends. You guys are the greatest and I’ll be back. Please don’t forget about me while I’m gone haha

Yesterday was hard.

My best friend Jessica left to go on a mission trip to Uganda until June. OH MY GOODNESS! I am so happy and excited for her but at the same time my little selfish self says “What about me? What am I going to do with out her?” I keep reminding myself  that she is going out into the world and doing what God tells us to do. GO and make Disciples of all nations. She is on a beautiful adventure and will get to see God’s glory in so many awesome ways that a lot of us will never see because we do not have the guts to drop everything and follow him.

I helped her pack her bags. Let me tell you, it was a challenge. She can only take 30 kilos with amounts to about 66lbs. 66 pounds of stuff is all she gets for 6 months in AFRICA?? Yeah, crazy I know. So we sorted and weighed and purged as much as we thought she could hoping to be under the weight limit. At check in we weighed her bags…65.5lbs! We pretty much screamed. It was quite a victory.

I miss her already. I missed her the second I got in the car to leave the airport.

Yesterday was hard.

All of my decisions for the semester were catching up to me and becoming real and I needed Jessica and I couldn’t have her because God has her and I needed my boyfriend because I didn’t have my best friend and he is 1700 miles away  and I was stuck inside on a dismal rainy day. By myself.

I prayed to God to take it all from me. These are all selfish feelings.

Then I started looking at the tragedy that is Haiti right now. My small little moment of self pity seemed so insignificant to what is happening there.

Yesterday was hard.

Yesterday was hard because God put the people of Haiti on my heart. They are suffering and dying and so many of them do not know the Lord. The photos of people crushed by rubble and sleeping on the streets away from buildings in fear of them falling down are so sad. These people need strength and hope that they will be taken care of. My prayer is that they are shown God’s grace through the outpouring of love, support and aid that is being rushed to them.

Say a prayer for Haiti.

Here are some places to donate money. They can use all that they can get.

Help Haiti Shirts $25 a piece and 100% of the money goes directly to a relief fund

Compassion International Disaster Relief – $35 will pay for a weeks worth of food, water, shelter.

If you are in Austin the Hope for Haiti Benefit concert is $10 and has a lot of great music happening.

Also text “Haiti” to 9099 to donate $10 to the Red Cross relief efforts. It will come out on your phone bill at the end of the month

Pray for Haiti and their healing

My heart is heavy for the people of Haiti. I hope people still pour themselves over Haiti after the media stops streaming it 24 hours a day. Haiti has a lot of healing to do and it will take a massive amount of time and care to get them there.

Break my heart for what breaks yours


2 thoughts on “My Heart is Heavy

  1. I’m praying for you Whitney! Your strength and wisdom in terms of knowing what you need to do and doing it are truly admirable!

    love you!!

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